Trump worried he might run out of people to offend

By | 2015/12/09

With months still ahead before a Republican candidate is named for the next US election, Donald Trump is growing increasingly worried that he is likely to run out of groups to offend.

Having already offended just about every religious and ethnic group, poor people, people with disabilities and people with a conscience, Trump is desperately hoping he doesn’t happen to offend his one remaining group of supporters: narrow minded selfish bigots with a persecution complex and a sense of entitlement.

“It’s a delicate situation”, Trump’s sense of humanity was quoted as it left the court having filed divorce proceedings. “Trump has made the signature portion of his appeal to get very angry at anyone he wants. He’s terrified at some point that he might snap and call Joe the Plumber a dick, or suggest that Sarah Palin leave on the horse she rode in on.”

Meanwhile, Trump’s camp continues to depend on people being reluctant to call him out as being a fascist who mimics the dialogue and ranting of the demagogue and dictator Adolf Hitler due to the inevitability of having Godwin’s law invoked in response. Whether this continues to be the case is yet to be seen: “If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, shits all over the carpet like a duck, you do eventually just have to get around to calling it a duck”, said one observer.

Meanwhile, in the interest of public health and avoiding viewers vomiting from the site of yet another photo of Donald Trump, this article has instead included a photo of a landfill, which remains considerably more visually appealing than Trump or his policies.