Translating Margaret Court's Opinion Piece in the Herald Sun

By | 2012/01/25

Today in the Herald Sun, Margaret Court (yes, the same Margaret Court who has been complaining bitterly that she’s being stopped from talking) wrote an opinion piece entitled “Priority is to protect marriage“.

I thought I’d take a few minutes to translate what I’m reading in some of the key points she makes in the article.

“We live in a blessed nation but Australia is on a steep moral decline.”

Translation: Australia is refusing to stay locked into the moral code of Pleasantville, and I don’t like it.

“We are a country with a moral fabric and families and marriage are at its core.”

Translation: I am conveniently forgetting that one in three marriages in Australia end in divorce.

“We live in a world of moral values. Even those without faith know what is right and what is wrong.”

Translation: So long as they believe that I know is right and wrong, at least.

“Looking back, you can see that there has been a steep decline, especially when it comes to the issue of sexuality. There is so much scripture within the Bible that points to what we see happening now. We are losing that sense of discipline.”

Translation: Take, for instance, the discipline we lost when we started ignoring Timothy 2:12, “I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent.” Look at all the crackpots that came out when we relaxed that stance, will you? Ahem. I don’t know where that came from. IGNORE TIMOTHY.

“Children need a mother and a faith – stability from a male and a female – and we are losing sight of this.”

Translation: Children with single parents should be adopted out to mixed-couple foster parents. Or at least, that’s the logical conclusion.

“The Book of Romans speak of the people of Earth trading in God.”

Translation: DON’T LOOK AT TIMOTHY! DON’T LOOK AT TIMOTHY. JUST ROMANS.

“we need to protect marriage because it has been God-ordained from the beginning.”

Translation: I’ll forget about all the historical evidence of same-sex marriages through the ages. AND YOU SHOULD TOO.

“God told man to be united with his wife and to multiply on earth.”

Translation: Please don’t think of the historical implications of this point of view. Otherwise, you’ll realise he must have also instructed Eve to have sex with her sons to continue to populate the earth, especially the son who killed his brother.

“People think it’s [the bible] a book of fear, but it’s not.”

Translation: There’s nothing more pleasant than reading children bedtime stories based on the bible. Such as that rainbow filled one about almost everyone on the planet being killed in a flood. Or that one about keeping slaves. Or that one about killing everyone who opposes god. Or that one about requiring the sacrifice of a son. No stuff of nightmares in that. And hell is really full of marshmellows for roasting.

“A nun at my primary school once gave me the cane”

Translation: Being beaten by a woman in a penguin suit didn’t affect my upbringing. See, I’m perfectly normal, aren’t I?

My only conclusion is that Margaret is now drunk on the attention she got from her original trolling and just can’t stop.

Please Margaret: get professional help.

3 thoughts on “Translating Margaret Court's Opinion Piece in the Herald Sun

  1. Stephen Silk

    You may also appreciate this take on the same piece: I’ve done you all a massive favour and translated Margaret Court’s Herald Sun Op Ed for you. – http://t.co/QHUVpvPa

  2. cinova

    Incredibly clever, accurate and witty. I was just about to sit down to write a similar translation, and you beat me to it. Especially love the closing one about the woman in a penguin suit! Kudos.

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