I’m a big fan of Survivor, and while I’ve come late to the party, I’ve become a big fan of Ru Paul’s Drag Race. I can’t say how awesome it would be to have these two shows merge, if only for a single season for unparalleled visceral viewing.
Survivor, the ultimate psychological reality show, coupled with Drag Race, the ultimate show about drag queens dressing glamorously in an elimination competition if coupled could introduce whole pools of viewers and contestants to stunning visuals and exciting challenges.
FADE IN FROM BLACK
Sounds of helicopter blades beating rhythmically with camera approaching, then panning over a small yacht carrying sixteen hopefuls sizing each other up, studying their competition and noting this Survivor is an all-male cast.
We see our host … our first host, that is.
This season, Survivor is going where it’s never gone before. Eight service station attendants from Alabama and eight farmers from Iowa will be dropped off on a remote island where they’ll have to battle the elements and each other in a gruelling set of challenges they’ll have never been able to prepare themselves for. Welcome to Survivor: Drag Island!
CAMERA PIVOTS AND WE SEE A GLORIOUSLY COUTURED DRAG QUEEN, THE DRAG QUEEN.
That’s right, Jeff. This year it’s going to be Outwit, Outlast, Outdress! And at the end three very flummoxed newly baptised drag queens will have to face the jury and … Lip Sync for their Lives! (Not to mention a years supply of cosmetics and one million dollars!)
OPENING CREDITS ROLL WITH SCENES FROM SHOW
Shot from the waist down … sequinned evening dresses, hairy legs and high heels running through the sand…
Shade food … contestants failing to throw the best shade having to eat deep fried tarantulas…
Eight contestants scrabbling up a greased pole while a pit-crew member throws buckets of water on them from above. (Not an actual challenge, just a heck of a lot of fun!)
Bearded farmer wearing lipstick and a wig screaming “BITCH! THAT WAS MY BUG PASTE YOU ATE!”
Group of well frocked contestants standing dispiritedly in front of Ru and Jeff. Jeff declares: “This week, contestants will have to construct themselves a GLAMOROUS fishing net using supplies only from Dollar Dazzler!”
I would so watch this show. And record it. And rewatch it. And then rewatch it again.
We really do need … Survivor: Drag Island.