Russia has announced some new events for the Winter Olympics in Sochi, and they’re hoping these will become a default fixture of the Olympics.
“We believe these events are in the best spirit of the Olympics, and will set the world ablaze with excitement”, an un-named Russian official might be quoted as having said.
Developed in conjunction with their new anti-gay laws, the Russian government is pleased that the IOC has bent over and accepted that evil, discriminatory regimes will always be welcome to host the Olympics.
Slalom Gay Blaming
Twelve athletes race to the bottom to blame gays for everything that goes wrong in the world today.
Cross Country Beating
Athletes whip and chase lesbians across an endurance course. The first athlete across the line with their lesbian wins. Extra points are awarded for forcing a lesbian to crash into a tree.
Neo nazi athletes use dating sites to lure GBLTI citizens into dangerous situations, and have half an hour to come up with the most imaginative means of torturing the entrapped citizen. Extra points are awarded for creative uses of sex toys and leaving no marks.
Athletes pick a bisexual out of the crowd and push them down the luge track without any protection. First bisexual that reaches the bottom with significant injuries but no permanent brain damage guarantees a win for the athlete.
Effeminate gay men are forced to figure skate, while the audience throws rotten eggs, fruit and vegetables at them. This is a major audience participation event and guaranteed to be a success.
Stop Sochi. The IOC support for a country with such draconian and inhumane laws remains inexcusable.