Pundits, analysts predict between -33, and 17 trillion Apple Watches to be sold

By | 2015/01/07

With consumer and industry anticipation for the Apple Watch continuing to grow, tech pundits and financial analysts are clamouring everywhere to estimate the number of devices Apple will sell, both in the first 24 hours after release, and in the time before the Sun turns into a red giant and converts the Earth into a molten ruin.

Apple Watch: Will anyone get it right?Wall Street analysts are already predicting Apple will sell at least nine billion devices in the first 24 hours. While Apple has remained tight-lipped and refused to provide their own forecasts, analysts interpreted a slight twitch of Tim Cook’s eyebrow three days before Thanksgiving to indicate their expectations are in fact highly accurate.

Meanwhile, renowned IT pundits with a success rate bordering on zero for predictions of Apple sales are confidently quoting Apple will sell negative numbers of the devices. Said Guy Lamé at Self-Declared-Analysts:

We here at Self-Declared-Analysts believe the Apple Watches will not only be highly unpopular, selling only a few dozen, but they’ll subsequently be determined to be highly radioactive, killing those same dozens of people and necessitating an immediate refund to their next of kin. This of course will result in a massive class action lawsuit which will bankrupt Apple and cause them to go out of business. It’s time to sell that stock, folks, and buy into a reputable and safe firm like Blackberry.

Guy Lamé was unfortunately interrupted by his mother asking him to take the bins out before he could provide more insight.

Analysts have however expressed some concern about Apple’s ability to produce enough watches using red-giant-star-proof glass, which neither Corning nor any other company on the planet have been able to invent yet, and believe this may affect the long-term viability of the product.