Following on the heels of lock-out laws and current plans to allow NSW police to ban citizens from doing just about anything for any reason, NSW will shortly be introducing lock-in laws, requiring citizens to stay at home and either sleep, or sit quietly in the dark between dawn and dusk.
A spokesperson for the Minister for Ethically Prudish Behaviour announced the new policy today as part of a sweeping set of changes designed to make New South Wales the most sensible and quiet state in Australia.
“Australia has become far too irresponsible in encouraging citizens to have social lives and enjoy themselves”, said the spokesperson while flagellating himself at a midday conference. “People need to be reminded they have a duty to work, raise silent children, and then quietly die without being a bother to anyone else.”
This sombre reminder that fun is the devil’s game comes at a time when NSW citizens are increasingly discovering their state government requires them to remain dour and reserved at all times. Other options being explored by the NSW government include prohibition, banning sex except for procreational uses, and building a mile high wall between NSW and Victoria to prevent citizens fleeing south.
Any more breaking developments in this story will be published quietly and without fanfare between midday and 3pm to avoid risking the ire of the NSW Government.
Readers are reminded smiling is now strictly prohibited in NSW.