New terror levels announced

By | 2015/02/05

In a specially convened press conference this afternoon, and responding to recent high level attempts to cause significant damage to the government, Tony Abbott announced a realignment and renaming of the levels used to indicate the current terror threat to Australia.

“We’re replacing ‘Extreme’ with ‘Malcolm'”, Mr Abbott said, pointing at a new chart. “‘High’ will be replaced by ‘Julie’, ‘Moderate’ will be replaced by ‘Joe’, and ‘Low’ will be replaced by ‘Scott’.”

Terror Levels

Finally, pointing at the clown at the bottom of the chart, Abbott visibly relaxed and explained “We’re replacing ‘No threat’ with ‘Pyne’.”