New national security plan announced

By | 2015/02/23

Security Plans

Concerned Australia is facing imminent threat of losing him as Prime Minister, Tony Abbott called a press conference today where backed by a veritable posse of flags, he spoke strongly in firm words with little useful substance about plans to improve Australia’s national security.

With an enhanced focus on catching the bad guys, Abbott insisted on taking no questions that might clarify the ineptitude of his announcement and lack of substance to his plans, focusing instead on protecting the freedoms of Australians by stripping them away and storing them in a safe place where they could never be used again.

Insisting new security plans could have prevented the Lindt Siege Gunman, a ‘lone wolf’ attacker that all security advisors insist is practically impossible to detect regardless of security laws, and whom was known to multiple levels of security teams throughout the country but ignored, Abbott remained pugnaciously determined to undermine freedom in order to save it.

Metadata laws (whereby the government could know how often Malcolm Turnbull and Julie Bishop phoned one another, at what times, and whom they phoned immediately thereafter, but be blissfully ignorant of the content of those discussions) would be crucial to defeating the bad guys.

Whatever the actual substance of today’s announcement (if any at all), we can all rest assured that no stone is being left unturned to save Australia from losing Tony Abbott as Prime Minister.