By the crazed writing of dozens of desperate tech journalists we’re daily being told of the impending release of an Apple car.
We’re told an Apple car is anywhere as ‘soon’ as 2018 and maybe as much as ten years away. We’re told Apple will be producing the car itself, and we’re told Apple will be partnering with BMW. We’re told Apple will be buying Tesla and we’re told Apple is just poaching all of Tesla’s engineers.
We’re told it will have a lightning port as its charging mechanism and will so be banned in the EU for not having mini-USB compatibility. (Actually, we’ve not told that, but you can bet that someone like Rob Enderle will tell us it at some point.)
You can bet by the time Apple do announce anything, if they announce anything, there’ll then be a profound chorus of people bemoaning, “I’m sick of hearing about the bloody Apple Car!”
Then the same pundits whom for years have been extolling about their fantasy features of an unreleased car the vendor never talked about will all moan and gripe that their particular feature wasn’t included – seemingly wishing for a Homer Mobile by the time all the fantasy features are combined.
These laments, of course, will be followed by the inevitable jokes that it’ll use Siri for autonomous driving destination input, and we’ll end up in a Eat Up Martha situation, turning up the cemetery when we were insisting on the cinema.
Apple Car ‘predictions’ have already hit fever pitch amongst some pundits to the point where they have to indulge in onanistic orgies of self-effusive rumour summary, hence titles like “CEO Tim Cook refuses to talk about the Apple Car — so here’s what we know” from Business Insider.
Here’s one thing we know for sure: the pundits are going to get increasingly crazy and increasingly imaginative as the days, weeks, months and years roll on – and us poor saps will be seeing those headlines time and time and time and time and time again.
Buckle up folks, the ride is going to be a rocky one.