Dear Homophobe

By | 2013/05/30

Dear Homophobe,

You know all those times at school when you called another student “faggot” and pushed him around? The reason he didn’t come back in year 11 was because he committed suicide, but since you were a heavy influencer of his emotional state, we’ll call it manslaughter and say you’re complicit in it.

You know when you glassed that guy at the nightclub because you thought he was coming on to you? He hasn’t gone out for a year, and he’ll be physically and emotionally scarred for life.

You know when you called up your local talk back radio to talk about “f*cking poofs” getting special treatment? That shock jock gave you special treatment, because he let you through after blocking ten callers saying equality was something everyone should have.

You know when at work you made a joke about gays being dirty fudge packers? The reason that guy stopped car pooling with you was because he has a gay son and realised what a jerk you are.

You know how you spat at two women who were holding hands and called them dykes who just needed a real man? One of them starts working at your company on Monday … as your boss. And who knows, maybe your wife will leave you … for a real woman.

You know how you waited until your daughter’s girlfriend turned 18 and then pressed charges against her for being in a relationship with your 17 and a half year old daughter? That just makes you a sanctimonious and vindictive bigot – quite the opposite of a model citizen.

You know how you railed in church against gays and their immoral lifestyle while secretly hiring a male prostitute, getting off your face on meth and letting him ride you six ways from Sunday? That just makes you a sad closet case with a drug addiction and a prolapsed rectum.

Remember when you thought the world was like Pleasantville, all bland and white and heterosexual? Your straight married neighbours were swingers, Mrs Johnson across the road had been having an affair with the milkman and the local parish priest … well lets just say it wasn’t Gabriel’s Horn he was making your daughter blow after church each weekend.

Remember when you thought you could beat anything you didn’t like into submission? That worked well until your wife, sporting the latest black eye from you after you’d had a night on the turps, waited until you were asleep then took a baseball bat to you. But hey, laying in a pool of your own blood with a cracked jaw and smashed testicles, you can take comfort that she proved you right.

You know how you shot yourself in the head in a French cathedral to protest gays getting married? All it meant was one less homophobe.

Remember when you thought you controlled the world?

You may have done, but it was a mean and spiteful world with silent hypocrisy on every street.

We’re taking the world off you. And we won’t be be giving it back.

You probably think “we” means “the homosexuals”. You’re wrong, of course – the same as you’ve been wrong all along. “We” are the good people, and the one thing you can breathe a sigh of relief about is that we’ll treat you a hell of a lot better than you treated us.


The good people.

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2 thoughts on “Dear Homophobe

  1. Bren

    This is an issue that is taking too long to resolve … Equality is not brain surgery

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