Category Archives: Life

Life

Don’t upset the Apple Car

By the crazed writing of dozens of desperate tech journalists we’re daily being told of the impending release of an Apple car. We’re told an Apple car is anywhere as ‘soon’ as 2018 and maybe as much as ten years away. We’re told Apple will be producing the car itself, and we’re told Apple will be partnering… Read More »

How soon is now?

Soon I’ll be 42. Ever since I was young, that was a big (and distant) birthday. If you’ve read or seen any of the adaptations of Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, you’ll know the significance of 42. 42, pronounced Deep Thought, the second-to-ultimate computer, after seven and a half million years of calculations, was the answer… Read More »

The Kim Davis Alternative

Rumours are circling this morning that figures in the Australian government are reviewing options for a daring rescue of Kentucky Bigot Kim Davis from her gaol cell. It’s believed that certain conservatives in the Liberal party feel that Ms Davis may the last hope of a government desperate to prevent marriage equality. Having recently solved the Brownyn Bishop… Read More »

Australia preparing for humanitarian crisis

In an urgent press conference convened in the early hours of the morning, an un-named Australian government official spoke passionately and earnestly of a new humanitarian crisis looming. Standing amongst so many flags his face was obscured, the official revealed that the overnight ruling by the United States supreme court legalising marriage for same-sex couples would create a new wave of boat… Read More »

The egregious crime of simply not giving a damn

Another month, another mindless mass shooting in the United States. They happen so regularly it seems that if you take a few days sabbatical from the news you’ll miss another one. Ten people dead here. Twenty dead there. Mass murders are cheap and easy in the land of the free access to the gun. There’s two inevitable arguments… Read More »

Tony Abbott: You’ll never stop me!

If nothing else, we have to admire Tony Abbott’s tenacity. He’s a bit like the implacable robot from Saturn III. Tony is keen to point out how determined he is to be unstoppable in his unstoppableness. He’s strong, he tells us strongly – so strong his strength is stronger than strong and his plans stronger than strong-strong.… Read More »

New terror levels announced

In a specially convened press conference this afternoon, and responding to recent high level attempts to cause significant damage to the government, Tony Abbott announced a realignment and renaming of the levels used to indicate the current terror threat to Australia. “We’re replacing ‘Extreme’ with ‘Malcolm’”, Mr Abbott said, pointing at a new chart. “‘High’… Read More »

Chet Faker ironically becomes too mainstream for Hipsters

Hipster bars across Melbourne and Sydney have been reeling in their latest existential crisis as it becomes increasingly apparent their beloved hipster artist, Chet Faker, had become too mainstream as a result of his appearance on the Ellen Degeneres show. “His dulcet tones, reminiscent of R&B, combined with slightly discordant electronica, random sounds and even more… Read More »

Pope goes the weasel

In the wake of the religious inspired attacks in Paris, France, Pope Francis ruined the progressive image he had been fostering by insisting that “One cannot provoke; one cannot insult other people’s faith; one cannot make fun of faith.” (Photo from Wikipedia’s Pope Francis page.) Putting it politely, Francis is a blithering idiot to say… Read More »