Everyone’s running around suggesting who should take over from Jeremy Clarkson as the host of Top Gear.
For me, there’s only one choice: Ross Noble.
Think of it – Top Gear can go to new levels of surrealism and entertainment with Ross Noble in charge:
This car’ll do nought to sixty in two point eight seconds, but watch what happens when we swap the tyres for brie!
The challenges will be a lot more interesting and approachable to the average viewer, too:
This week, we’re going to see which convertible allows us to confuse the drive through staff at Red Rooster the most when we ask for chicken!
Star in a Reasonably priced car will undoubtedly see the budget car replaced with a little Barbie trike. Dwayne Johnson will be invited to drive the car first and asked to shout “Yabba Dabba Doo!” before taking off.
I predict though it would be a short-lived run. Somewhere around the third or fourth episode, we’ll likely hear something along the lines of:
This week, we’re gonna replace The Stig with a Barn Owl!
Sadly, it’ll all appear to be going well until a high powered Lotus careens off the test track into a bollard while the frantically hooting owl inside shits on the dash and regurgitates a field mouse.
But seriously: Ross Noble. He’d be the best Top Gear host ever.