Facing growing muttering from Pacific Island nations at risk of rising sea levels, Australia has finally announced a radical and drastic plan for dealing with the problem.
“We cannot allow natural resources to be so badly squandered”, said a government official announcing the plan while fighting off a frantic former PM desperate for attention. “As these island nations are abandoned and Australia moves their populations to Nauru or Manus Island, there’s a small window of opportunity where the land is not completely underwater.”
“Strip-mining, clearly is the solution.”
At this point during a pause the former prime minister leapt excitedly to his feet to talk about Middle Eastern Death Cults, before the official held up a photo of Queen Elizabeth II to cause a respectful silence.
“Between the time the population abandons these islands and the sea water claims them back, we must act quickly to strip-mine the entire land and gather as much beautiful glorious coal as can be gathered. We are preparing mining equipment and jobs programmes urgently to ensure we can take advantage of these newly freed up resources.”
Leaders of several Pacific Islands have reacted strongly to this plan, but were sternly rebuffed by a government official. “What are they going to do? Come in a boat as refugees?”