2015 Starts Out Big

By | 2015/01/04

2015 got off to a huge start as literally dozens of revellers around the world found themselves having a reasonably happy time as the clock struck midnight.

FireworksPlaces as far and wide as Amberley, New Zealand and Adak, USA found people staring at the sky in awe as hand-raised fireworks, abandoned months earlier by their mother crackers, were released and returned to the wild.

For others, the celebrations were more restrained. Tragedy struck the small nation island of Australia, for instance, when its inhabitants realised they were starting the new year with Tony Abbott still their Prime Minister.

Peter Jackson’s Third Hobbit movie was released to mixed reviews. Inspired by a review from the Thropshire Chronicle which declared it to be “mostly insipid, yet with beautiful cinematography”, Jackson immediately announced an extension to the trilogy, with the fourth movie to focus on the events between “The” and “End”.

The news was not entirely grim, however. Most of the civilised world was pleased to hear that a number of ISIS fighters had contracted Ebola. “What goes around, comes around”, said Maevis McChinskey of Aberforth Road, Murrumbidgee, when hearing the news.

The people of North Korea were amazed to discover that the United States was not the enfeebled collection of diseased capitalist pigs their state news agency had been saying for years when an intelligence operative in the US managed to discover the DKR’s internet password (“K1mRulez”) and continue to disable the country’s access to old Coronation Street episodes on YouTube. (Ordinary citizens were left stunned, completely at a loss as what happened to Jack Walker, the publican at the Rovers Return.)

Finally, in sport, quite a few people paid indecent amounts of money to hit, kick or throw balls around a field or arena continued to be paid indecent amounts of money to hit, kick or throw balls around a field or arena. This was all while people paid tiny sums to rush sick people to hospital, teach children or repair sewerage lines continued to be paid tiny sums to rush sick people to hospital, teach children or repair sewerage lines.

Want more news? Check out the 2014 In Review.